Let Your Light Shine Upon Me

He reveals deep secret things: He knows what is in the darkness, and light dwells with Him.

Daniel 2:22

He reveals deep secret things……..

My dad had a room in the basement where he would retreat most of the time he was home. Looking back, it was a pretty good set-up. He had a television, radio, food, and of course, Lil’ Oscar, (Google it if you don’t know what that is.) He would go there as soon as he arrived home or finished whatever he needed to do outside. We knew not to bother him there unless it was pretty important. While his physical absence in my life was certainly an issue, his emotional absence was much more difficult to understand. To further complicate things, when we did see him it was because we were being too loud or he just needed to release some frustration. My love language is words of affirmation. For me, his words cut me deeper than the physical pain he sometimes inflicted.

He knows what is in the darkness……..

Fast forward to college……. I was a very naive and sheltered young lady. (My first day there I looked for the dorm mom to ask for permission to leave.) My low self esteem and lack of experiences of all kinds led me to places I should have never wandered. I met a young man who swept me off of my feet. (Let’s call him Harvey. Yes, as in Hurricane Harvey!) Harvey knew exactly what to say and how to say it. His words were a sweet salve to my wounded and heavily scarred heart.

Due to the sudden void of very strict boundaries in my life, I made so many poor decisions. I fell hard and fast as a result of Harvey’s total and mind boggling devotion to me. He would have done anything for me and it made me feel emotions I had never experienced.

Harvey was a wonderful man who made a huge difference in my life, but we were not equally yoked. I knew in my very being from the beginning that he was not the one for me, but I chose to let him fill a void that should never have been given to him. I can try and make excuses and say I did not know any better, but I did! I totally did! I knew what we were doing was wrong, too!

Harvey wrote to me when I went home for breaks. I kept the letters because of how they made me feel. I kept them in a large trunk. One summer I was coming home for a short time and did not want to bring all of my stuff home, but needed to be out of the dorm. A former boss offered to let me store some of my stuff in his attic for the short time. When I returned to school, I went to retrieve my belongings. As all of the items were being loaded, I realized everything would fit with the exception of the trunk. There just was not enough room for it. Since it held momentos and sentimental items, I decided to leave it there. Later, when I went to get the trunk, the family had moved and left the trunk in the attic of the old house. I do not know where that trunk is today.

As a result of not being able to find the trunk, I have lived in fear of the darkness for decades. I have lived in the fear of someone opening that trunk to see my sin and shame. Those letters were way too detailed and personal. They should never have been written and especially kept!

Since that day, each time I read Mark 4:22, I feel a sense of shame and dread. I consistently asked myself, “When will this sin and shame come to light? When will I be outed and revealed to the world?”

……...and light dwells with Him.

This morning I said this prayer, “Lord, I am here and ready to hear Your voice. Please speak truth to me.” Then, I began my morning quiet time with Him and came across Daniel 2:22. He reveals deep secret things: He knows what is in the darkness, and light dwells with Him. Wait, what? Read that again and focus on the last part! And light dwells with Him. For DECADES I have let the evil one rob me of peace and joy. This morning God showed me that He is FOR me, not against me. Yes, things need to be brought to the light but not for shame and disgrace, but for healing and comfort.

It truly was like He shined a bright light upon me this morning. He made it very clear that if I look for darkness and shame, I will find it, but if I look for light and freedom, I can find that in Him. He wants me to choose light. He wants me to dwell with Him.

I have lived in darkness for too long. Today….I choose light.

I wish I had done these all along:

1. Pray, pray, pray! I should have sought and allowed God to fill the voids of my life, but instead I chose sin. It led me down a dark path that has taken way too long to let go of.

2. Discover your love language and your spouse’s as well. Learn with each other how to speak them fluently. If you are single, make sure whoever you are interested in speaks this before you get too serious. I cannot emphasize how important this is in every person’s life.

3. If you have kids, learn theirs and speak it over them daily. We all seek what we need and sometimes we find it in places we should not be! Help your children to seek it from God first and a godly human form second.

4. Live daily in the light only He can give! Let His light shine upon you.