Let Go, Let God

The last year has been one of the hardest I can recall. I lost my mother-in-law, my biological father, a man who was a father figure to me and two other important people in my life. As if those events weren't traumatic enough, my husband lost his sight overnight. COVID! Oh, and to add to all of that, I made the decision to leave my full time position in ministry. Yep, it has been a year.

During that difficult time, there were days that I never felt closer to God. There were other days that I felt alone in a sea of misery and depression. When I was in the deepest of waters, I questioned my heart and felt like it was made of stone. Actually, even on good days I began to think my heart was forever darkened.

Unfortunately, my reactions to others and myself reflected that dark place. I was armed and ready with a defensive reaction or response to anyone who came at me even a little sideways. On second thought, I was armed and ready for those who came at me waving a white flag! I expected the worst and acted accordingly. Later, I would beat myself up for reacting poorly in the situation.

For much longer than just the past year I believed my heart was the reason for my negativity and defensive mode. Today, God gave me a breakthrough moment. I was reading in James when God revealed truth to my broken heart. I realized that my heart was not the issue! My mind was where the problems started.

Without knowing it, I had slipped back into my old patterns of self protection mode. I was once again letting my past dictate my future. I neglected to redirect my mind to focus on the good and speak life into others and myself instead of darkness and fear.

Today I vow to start making the decision each day to focus on the positive and, with God’s help, retrain my brain to automatically go to the positive side of every situation. I will then be able to handle each encounter through a healthier filter and mindset. Today I commit to stop my brain in its tracks when it starts to go to the dark side! I will then focus on the positive side of even the most trying situations. And, in doing so, find positive thoughts and solutions to replace the negative.

It is a start! I know it will take time and dedication but I gain confidence in knowing that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

If any of this resonated with you, please feel free to leave a comment or send a private message. I will be honored to add your name to my prayers each morning and throughout the day as I seek God’s help in transforming me to be more like Him.