He Works Everything for the Good Part 3

I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

After receiving the great news that we were pregnant, we were referred to yet another specialist! This time it was due to the fact that my pregnancy was considered high risk. Our first visit was like heaven on earth. I sat in the waiting room and looked around at all of the women in the various stages of pregnancy and I marveled at how radiant they looked in each of the stages. When we went to the exam room for the first time in a while, we were all on the same page so that part went much better this time.

The doctor was very encouraging. We left on cloud nine with all of the brochures, reading recommendations and advice from the specialist. We were more than ready to get this journey started. We began to pick out names and dream of a very different future than we thought we would have.

One of the pieces of advice was that we may want to consider waiting until after the first trimester to tell people about the pregnancy since it was high risk. We were so excited we just couldn’t do it. We told family, friends, and quite frankly, anyone who would listen.

My brother in law was living with us at the time. He and my husband doted over my every move. They insisted I eat for two, get my rest, and they waited on me hand and foot. We laughed at my pregnancy brain and marvelled at the little pooch that was getting bigger.

There is nothing like the moment you first hear the heartbeat of the child you were told you most likely would never carry. I cannot come up with words to describe that moment. I could not even believe that leaving that office visit was even better than the last one! This time I left with an ultrasound picture in my hand. It doesn’t get any better than that!

After several appointments with that doctor, we got a very unexpected call. She was no longer going to practice medicine! Wait, what!? How does that even happen? She was a young little whipper snapper! Why in the world? This was very disappointing news. We were given a list of other specialists to contact.

As I set about doing that I realized we were very fortunate to have been accepted by the first specialist. It seems there was a big need in this area and we struggled to find a new one. Even with this minor set back we were beyond giggy as we soaked up every moment and milestone. A few days later we finally reached the end of the first trimester. That final weight was lifted from us and we celebrated the momentous occasion.

At the time I was the director of a family literacy program. A trip to the zoo was on the agenda for the day. It was the first time I had been to this zoo. It was wonderful to watch the moms interact with their young children. We all had a wonderful time.

It is super hot in Texas so by the time we loaded up the buses I was exhausted. One of the teachers commented that I did not look so good. At that point I just wanted air conditioning and a shower.

On my drive home I started cramping. I took my much anticipated shower and laid down to rest. As soon as my husband walked through the door, he suggested we go to the emergency room. Our appointment with the new specialist was not for several days.

When we went to the ER we explained that I was high risk and had been cramping the last few hours. They decided to do an ultrasound. By the time I was taken back for it I was beginning to become alarmed. There was a tense feeling in the air from the staff and physicians and I knew something was wrong.

The technician was a kind and compassionate woman. I noticed that unlike the machine in my specialist’s office, this one was turned so that I could not see the screen and the volume was turned down. I asked the technician to let me hear the heartbeat and she promised to do so as soon as she found it. She had a gift of comfort and distraction because for a time I was lost in telling her about my journey and the blessing of the child in my womb.

Suddenly, I was bolted back to reality. She had clicked the machine off. Panic ran all over me. I sat up to remind her of her promise. That is when I saw the doctor usher my husband into the room. No words needed to be spoken. One look at his face said it all.

The next seventy-two hours were so painful that it is difficult for me to think of them even now, all these years later.

I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made…...

Have you ever been convinced that you were on the receiving end of a miracle only to discover it was only for a season and not the miracle you thought it was? How did you cope with the loss? Were you able to praise God through it?

Stay tuned my friends. This is not the end of the story. It is actually the beginning of another one that I will detail in part four of this series.

Truth talk time:

This was not an easy piece for me to write. The loss and pain of that event still pierces my heart and soul. I pushed through the pain because I believe there are so many other women out there who have suffered the same kind of loss. When this happened I had no idea how often women go through it. I learned from multiple family members and friends that they had experienced the loss of a child as well but never talked about it. This should not be a taboo conversation. Women suffer the loss of the life of a child they carried in their womb. The child was a part of our very being in every way. It doesn’t matter if the child was carried for a couple months, a couple trimesters or lost at birth. It hurts like nothing else and that pain needs to be heard, addressed and healed. The only way we can do that is through Christ and each other. I encourage you to reach out if you have experienced a loss like this. If you know someone who has experienced the loss of a child I encourage you to reach out to them as well. You have no idea the difference you can make.